Witney

I’d never been to Witney before.  I knew of it, of course; it was the constituency of our former Prime Minister, after all.  But, I thought, how will I know what it’s really like if I never go?  So, I hopped on a bus to find out, armed with my camera, my book, and “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” on my headphones.

Date of trip: Saturday 26th January 2019
Journey time: approx. 25mins (can vary depending on whether you get the S1 or the S2; both go from George Street, but from different stops)
Fare: £6.60 (return)

(Yes, I got a bus, and if you’re a regular reader you’ll know that I hate buses.  But there’s no other way to get there, and I’ve also covered most of the nearby places that are accessible by train, so I’ve resolved this year to make more use of the local bus network.  As it happened, it was fine.  You have a choice of two buses: the S2, which is quick, and the S1, which is more frequent and takes you through the beautiful village of Eynsham—and over the weird little private toll bridge as well.)

The bus was fairly quick; all at once I had arrived in the market square.  This is right next to the church green, which kind of dominates the town centre, but is extraordinarily pretty, and makes you feel like you’re in a village.  Alongside it is the main path to the big Sainsbury’s, and you can follow that to some playing fields.  The church itself is pretty, and old, and there are nice guides to show you around, but you don’t want me to give you the history of another bloomin’ church.  (Weirdly, they still had their nativity scene out, although maybe you’re supposed to leave them for a while after Christmas to celebrate Epiphany?  From a brief Google, it seems it’s not right, but it’s okay.)  Also, the bells were pretty cool, and went on for ages.

What of tourist attractions?  Well, TripAdvisor suggests the Wychwood Brewery, but as a non-drinker I doubt I suspect I wouldn’t have been the best to comment.  There’s also a farm museum, Cogges, listed, but that was closed for the winter.  As for the town museum, that looked interesting… but it was also closed for the winter.  I was having one of those days, clearly.

But TripAdvisor did suggest looking around the Blanket Hall, so I figured takin’ a chance on it might not be a bad idea.  I went in, and there didn’t look to be much: it was a blanket and souvenir shop, with a yard out back with a couple of displays of historical artefacts.  (And a pie shop.)  So I went back into the shop, and looked at the cards.  At which point the cashier noticed me, having realised I’d evidently been too quick finishing, and asked if I’d had a look at the museum.  I had not realised there was a museum, so I out back again to find it.

Turns out there’s a fair bit to see—and no admission charge, either.  The displays told me that this was where the blanket traders of Witney would come to have their wares assayed, to ensure they were suitable, and they could be fined if their blankets were sub-standard.  But the hall also served as a museum of the town’s, and county’s, history, so some of the most interesting artefacts in the first bit of the museum (a long, crooked stairway) were the carvings of different sites of Oxfordshire.

Step by step I made my way to the great hall, where, at one moment in time, meetings would have been held.  But I realised that there weren’t many display cards up there, and you were recommended to buy a guide book to find out what the objects were.  So I went back down to the shop, and did so.  Upon my return, I was quickly joined by two staff members from the pie shop, who’d been asked to put away the grand table—I think in preparation for an event.  Honestly, this was the best bit; I probably shouldn’t repeat what they said, but they were obviously having one of those days too, and their conversation changed the mood from calm and quiet to something altogether more boisterous, but also more fun—and they agreed with me that the big “do not sit in this chair” chair was very tempting.  (Also, they were forced to reveal to me that the reason the grand table was covered in a tablecloth was that it was actually three plastic tables, which was disappointing, if amusing.)

If I told you that Witney has a Waitrose and Partners, would you be surprised?  I doubt it—and you count on me to visit whenever there is one.  (You can hold me to that.)  I bought some Kalamata Olive Twists while I was there, and got my free coffee with my My Waitrose card.  Witney is actually very good for chain stores for a small town, albeit middle-class ones, and I am angry at the escalator in Marks & Spencer for damaging my shoelace.  (Though it was a miracle it didn’t get chewed up more than it did.)

I actually almost went to Witney with someone, but he wasn’t free for long enough, so I had to try it on my own first, with the promise of a guided tour some other time. He did, however, recommend the Shake Shop, and it was a good recommendation.  The shake was actually reasonably-priced, and there was a fun American-style diner upstairs to drink it in, along with a machine that read your personality based on your weight and your month of birth.  (My “modesty is admired by friends”, apparently.)

So of all the towns I love, was Witney my greatest love of all?  Well, no—it isn’t, it wasn’t, it ain’t never gonna be the most exciting place to visit in the country.  Maybe in the county, though—it is pretty, and really not far away; it also had a good range of independent shops, if that’s your thing.  I’d recommend, and I definitely want to go back when the museums are open.  And with that, I have nothing more to say.