It is, of course, Christmas in two days’ time. So what better way to celebrate than by answering the burning hypothetical question: what if some of our best-loved Christmas carols were not written about the birth of the figure whom Christians believe is the son of God, but instead about this blog?¹
O Little Town of Banbury
O little town of Banbury,
We see thy fair canal.
But do not seek this; I must speak
This warning to you, pal.
For though it looks inviting
For jolly japes or larks,
Don’t take that hike, unless you like
Deserted business parks.
Away on a Tube Train
Away on a Tube train
No seat to be sat,
For rush hour’s upon us
And that is just that.
I would not have ridden
Upon this once more,
But I ride at random
And just rolled a four.
Once in Royal Windsor Borough
Once in Royal Windsor Borough
Stood a lowly castle shed,
Where a gard’ner laboured daily
Trav’lling in from Maidenhead.
Though the gardens were divine,
Murder was the entrance line.
Coventry Carol
Needs no amending, though would be more appropriate if it actually talked about Coventry.
The Twelve Days of Christmas
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven ducks a-swimming,
Six hawks a-laying,
Five gold rings,
Four corgi birds,
Three Dutch owls,
Two tortoise jays,
And a plover in a pear tree.
and to conclude…
I Wish You a Merry Christmas
I wish you a merry Christmas,
I wish you a merry Christmas,
I wish you a merry Christmas,
Not a happy New Year.
This year has in store
A whole Sunday more.
I wish you a merry Christmas,
Not a happy New Year.
¹ For the avoidance of any doubt, I am not intending to imply this blog is in any way divine.
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